------Original Hate Mail------

From: assclown

Hatemongers and weirdos:

What in the heck is wrong with you? Surfing the Internet is getting more and more dangerous as the years go by. I was just cruising through YouTube to check out videos and I came across your 4th of July fireworks show. That was pretty awesome. I dug a little deeper and watched your "Human Paint Mixer" video right after that. I'm sorry, but who ever told you that watching 6 minutes of fat people throwing up is fun to watch was WRONG and an idiot to boot. I couldn't resist, so I went to foulmouthshirts.com here and saw some of the worst shirts I've ever seen in my life. This stuff is way too cruel and mean to sell. You guys are doomed for failure. You should quit now before you ruin more than your own lives.

Our Response:
Dear Meddlesome Assclown,

Fuck you and your opinion. I'm afraid all of the hatemongers are busy right now, so you'll have to deal with the resident weirdo at the moment. I know you are a little shocked and in awe right now of all that the Foul Mouth Empire stands for, but you are just going to have to get right the fuck over it. It seems to me that our insidious plan worked. Our YouTube videos led you to the website, and you were SUPPOSED to get over your fucking lame-assness and buy a shirt. You didn't, though, and that makes me fucking hate you more than you hate us...which is pretty impressive. I'm also very happy to inform you that we are NOT doomed for failure. We are fucking awesome and people who aren't chickenshit love us. People buy our shit by the fucking bucket-loads. It's going to take more than your whiney horseshit to keep us down, asshat. Shut the fuck up.
P.S. Fat people throwing up will always be funny.